Loz (lozenger8) wrote,

Cigarettes and chocolate milk...

I've spent the past month writing two stories that squick the hell out of me and thinking about them and writing them I've often been vaguely nauseous and felt like I want to crawl into a ball and cry. One of these stories is still ongoing and is only going to get worse. The other just got posted and I wish I could say it's taken a load off my shoulders, but it really hasn't.

I don't know why I do these things. I like to challenge myself, I guess. The only reason I ever started writing sex scenes was to challenge myself. (I continued, because, you know what, once you get over the initial embarrassment, it's actually really fun!) The only reason I ever write murder mysteries is to challenge myself. But, when it comes down to it, I often don't actually enjoy the challenge. I get some kind of kick out of it - otherwise, why continue? But it's not usually a lovely experience.

It is, normally, a rewarding experience. One from which I learn a lot. One that affects me emotionally in good and bad ways.

I think I'm going to go crawl into a ball and cry now.
Tags: writing

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