Loz (lozenger8) wrote,

One more time...

So. As some of you may have noticed, I spent the better part of the night awake, being neurotic again. And, because it does, actually, often make me feel better, I'm going to discuss it some more.

It would be nice to think this makes me an artist, but really it just makes me a wanker.

I guess, what it always comes down to, nearly every single time, is having wildly unrealistic expectations of myself. I expect to get everything right first time. I know it's not like that, not with anything in life, let alone writing. Yet I always expect to.

And, the most important thing is that I don't just want it to be right. I want it to be brilliant. I'm not content with adequate, not happy with 'good'. I want GREAT, every time. Every facet. And really, really really, how many writers are even like that? My very favourite writers aren't. We all have strengths and weaknesses.

I put this pressure on myself to write the next Great Whatever and end up just writing whatever. Well, why? Why do that? Why fret about it?

In this time, I forget about all the things I can actually do. Because, you know what? I can write dialogue. People say so. 9 out of 10 cats can't be wrong. My characterisation is almost always interesting, if not good. (And, hopefully, usually, good.) I'm versatile - I write in all types of ways - more than lots of other people even attempt. These things I do not entirely suck at.

I have improved my description so very much - from once having awful, stilted movements and dialogue attribution, normally now it's relatively seamless, and sometimes quite evocative. Atmosphere and mood suddenly exist in my writing, sometimes to very good effect.

So, I can't do pacing. And that whole cause and effect thing often leaves me bewildered. I have a horrible habit of setting stories up and then... letting them fizzle. Oh, yeah, I might have a relatively strong emotional resolution, but my action plot resolution is almost always terribly handled. Sometimes I rely too much on the reader to piece things together. I certainly can't do epic sprawling plots. I can't even do subplots, most of the time.

But if I keep working, I will improve, because I already have. And no, in the meantime, the stuff I write won't be brilliant.

The only one who even expects it to be is myself.

Priorities. They're handy.

Tags: writing

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