Fandom: Hot Fuzz
Word Count: 640 words.
Notes: Nicholas/Danny slash.
There are, perhaps, three things Nicholas Angel knows for sure.
1. Caffeine is dangerous and should be consumed, ingested and/or partaken of with care.
There may have been a time, early in his career (actually, that would technically be 'before his career', but barring transforming into brightly coloured felt, was there ever any doubt Nicholas would become a cop?), when one certain young Nicholas Angel needed to study overnight for a Very Important Exam. He dosed himself up with several cans of Coca Cola. Simply your average Coca Cola. No other kind of coke or anything. Granted, he did manage to put away a good fifteen cans, within 44 minutes; I hear tell his bladder has ridiculously high retention rates, which, you know, is unsurprising. He was found at 7.34 am standing just underneath a rather large oak tree stark bollock naked, covered in newsprint, muttering about 'procedure' and 'flowcharts'. Not making any promises, just something I may have heard, one time, possibly.
2. Peace lilies are not all that peaceful, in the long run.
Oh no, a peace lily can be used as a lethal weapon. All you really need is a good, solid terracotta pot and BAM! instant blackout for your assailant, leaving no permanent injury. Okay, maybe a cracked skull, but that's not too bad, is it? Get worse at the supermarket, these days. Not quite kung fu, but effective, and Nicholas Angel is all about efficiency. Then, in the war stakes, there's always that row that gets started, over whether talking to plants is or isn't cuckoo and whether or not one should name one's peace lily 'Burnett'. But of course, when I say 'row', what I really mean is some harsh words, a gently sad expression (with added pout!) and a hug. Nicholas Angel = Hardcore Action Hero.
3. One plus One equals One Hell of a Time.
He'd tried to do it all alone, for years. See, he had this odd unformed notion that he could only rely upon his own reflexes, perspectives and detective skills. But, it turns out, that wasn't the right way at all. No one to get your back, no one to lend you a shoulder, no one to pull your leg. It wasn't just alone, it was lonely. Yeah, there'd been relationships - professional and personal - but they hadn't been partnerships. Now, Nicholas finds he's got someone he can count on and Danny can count on him. They work together, make mistakes together, watch films together, and it's give and take. But the thing that really surprises Nicholas is that he's constantly refining and redefining his abilities. His reflexes, perspectives and detective skills have all improved. Of course, it isn't just about the job, it's about everything - life, learning, love. He's improved.
So, there are, perhaps, three things Nicholas Angel knows for sure. But there are myriad other things he sort of knows, or thinks he might know, or wants to know.
Like, in the 'want to know' category - the best present to get a man who appears to have every buddy cop-slash-action movie ever made - including Freebie and the Bean, which isn't out on DVD.
In the 'thinks he might know' category - what Danny's getting for him for the anniversary of his arrival in Sandford - a replica 1975 model pedal police car (with working lights!)
And the 'sort of knows' category - exactly how to tell Danny how he feels. He doesn't have the answers for that one, and he hopes that Danny's got a clue or five, but if push comes to shove, he can always get himself high on caffeine and create a distraction with the peace lily when everything goes wrong.
But, of course, nothing will go wrong, because there's, maybe, two things that Danny Butterman knows for sure - how to love, and who to love.