Loz (lozenger8) wrote,
Loz
lozenger8

You can't always get what you want...



There's this scene in Knocked Up where Paul Rudd's character Pete is talking about the difficulties in his marriage and he says, "Do you ever wonder how somebody could even like you?"

I nodded. A lot. And not just like, but love. I just don't see how anyone could ever fall in love with me. It's not a low self-esteem issue at all, it's my inner realist. I'm awkward and distrusting and find communication distinctly challenging. We have this barrier to contend with - the whole meeting someone, getting to know someone barrier. And then we have my personality, which, you may have noticed - is not enthralling. I'm obsessive, pretentious, pompous and quick-tempered, just to name a few of my less desirable traits. And a lot of the time, I don't think I have enough positives to balance that aspect out. So now we have the difficulty of engaging someone and my lack of winning charm and, from an objective point of view, it's looking quite clear that I'm not exactly going to have anyone falling head over heels for me any time soon. Or ever.

This shouldn't matter, right? It's just societal conditioning, too much fiction. But I'm selfish. I'd really like someone to fall in love with me. Obviously, ultimately, I'd want to love them back, I'd want them to be the right person for me, but at the moment my weaker side just wants the adulation.

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