It goes like this;
*JOY JOY JOY at the conclusion + A little criticism in regards to the construction of the final episode.
*Writing "It's Never Over", to affirm that the story still goes on - to recognise that 1973 might still not be real, but if that's so, Sam's okay with it.
*Reading Matthew's interview and initially not saying anything about it, but, as usual, being charmed by him whilst simultaneously wanting to kick him in the shins.
*Complaining over the premise to Ashes to Ashes (I'm still more in the DO NOT WANT camp, but I've also been thinking along the "MORE PHIL, DEAN AND MARSHALL!" tack, and they cast Keeley Hawes, so, I think I might enjoy it. And considering the writers are the guys who created Sam, Gene, Annie and the others in the first place, Alex may well be a brilliant character whom I'll adore unreservedly.)
*JOY JOY JOY at the conclusion + A little criticism in regards to the construction of the second series. (Progression.)
*AMBIVALENCE at the conclusion + Continued criticism in regards to the construction of the final episode + Continued criticism in regards to the construction of the second series.
[At some point here, I never mentioned it, but I realised exactly what Sam had done to Ruth and my heart about leapt into my throat and choked me to death.]
*Realising that I am Sam and deciding to get off the internet for a while to get the fuck over it. THIS CLEARLY DID NOT SUCCEED.
*Writing "Palimpsest", to help myself get the fuck over it. This sort of succeeded. It made me less militant, less emotional. More distant about it all. Also, considerably less trusting of Matthew and the other writers, but more willing to see their points of view. I came to accept that they didn't care about the characters as much as I did - and of course they didn't. Why would they? I've written stories where I haven't loved the characters with a deep fiery passion - hell, loving your characters that much gets in the way of weaving a narrative about them. (I don't want to hurt him, I love him!)
Somehow, I was expecting more reverence for Sam and Gene and Annie and Chris and Ray than I'd have expected for, say, Ash, Danny, Stacie and Mickey in Hustle, or the Addis family in Down to Earth. These are professional writers - it's their job. They get paid. It's not entirely a labour of love, here. And yes, I did totally forget that - but you have to admit, they helped us with that notion, talking excitedly about how they came up with the concept of the show and Matthew admitting the pilot had had 33 drafts.
*Reading and "responding" to Matthew's post on TRA and being much less charmed by him and much more like I want to kick his shins. He brought back the militant and emotional anger and made me trust him even less. Poor boy. He doesn't know this. And he probably wouldn't care, but I do feel bad for being such a bitch about him, constantly. Because I am aware that it doesn't all rest on his shoulders - I am. There was a whole team of writers, of producers, of directors, the cast and crew.
(I think... I just, I put him on this pedestal and fixated on him, a bit. Which is funny, because, I think I actually write more like Ashley than I do Matthew. But Matthew did most of the interviews and post-S1 media and I felt like I got to "know" him more. Here was a man who was writing something that I really, really clicked with - and we're very similar, projected personality wise. We like to talk about our writing and we're both a little bit pompous and pretentious and pseudo-intellectual, but with a self-deprecating streak that almost balances it out.
Matthew is funny and clever and confident and I felt betrayed by this person that I'd thought felt the same way I did about his characters, his narrative. This is going to sound even more stupid, but I felt like I'd spent all this time respecting this man who then turned around and showed me very little respect in return. [No, really? Matthew Graham owes you the world, Loz. Not only must he write everything the exact way you want it, he must bow down to your mastery as a fan.]
I'm fully aware this is completely insane, but that's how it went. How it continues to go, obviously, since I have a habit of still making pointed remarks about him. And, in the end? It probably was because he does love his characters almost as much as I do that Matthew weakened the show - at least on some level. That would also explain why he feels the need to defend its honour every time a teensy bit of criticism wings its way. And once again, he gets paid to write. He has to view it with some kind of moderation. [He actually gets paid! Because he is talented. Unlike some mouthy self-involved wannabes like yourself, Loz, who spend half their time being armchair critics and the other half writing or being neurotic over fan fiction.])
*Comments here and there about general dissatisfaction with the ending as a whole, but acceptance and recognition of the fact that Life on Mars is still brilliant in thousands of different ways.
Mmm. And all this for a 16 episode television show. Right. Getting invested in fiction is risky business, make sure you wear a