Life on Mars is a television show. I know it's a television show. Sam and Gene and Annie and Chris and Ray and Phyllis and Nelson --- they're all fictional characters. I know this.
But I've spent a lot of time with these characters over the past year - it really has been more than a year since I first watched the show - and whilst the full-blown obsession didn't really take hold of my brain until July/August, I was still enamoured of it from the beginning.
I don't want it to end. I really don't. I know that Matthew's going to break my heart and split up Sam and Gene - and it's ridiculous, but they really are my One True Pairing. I adore their friendship. They know and trust each other. I love that. I love them. They're not real - they're not. They're real to me. Matthew's also going to split up Sam and Annie, and that makes me feel depressed too, because they're so sweet together and they have such potential as a couple. Basically, Sam's going to be alone. Again. And it's so unfair. Or, you know - something worse might happen and... Oh God. No. Please, Matthew, don't?
So. I'm seriously crying right now, thinking about that - and isn't that just pathetic? It's dangerous to get so invested in fiction. And I'm an intelligent person, I should realise that, shouldn't I? Somehow I still manage to put my heart on my sleeve and fling it into the washer.
I said in my reaction to 2.07 that I don't care how it ends - and this is true. I trust that the ending will be magnificent. It will tear me into teeny tiny pieces, but it'll be good. It may have nothing to do with what I've based my truth on, but that's okay. I do care that it ends. I wish it never had to. And I guess it doesn't, really. I'll always have this time to think back on fondly and cherish - the people I made friends with, who are so very awesome. The excitement and silliness and emotional resonance.
And, you know, a new 'obsession' will come - and my heart will come back to me with little marks from the pegs from when I put it on the clothesline. And I'll smother it in another great television show, or series of books, or film... and the cycle will repeat.
But this. This moment here. This feeling. Show. My show.