Loz (lozenger8) wrote,

Lost: Brain. Wanted: Heart...

I signed up for yuletide. This will be my first time, so I'm excitedly nervous. The fandoms I have offered are... wow. I was pretty much going on an "I've seen that, I like the characters" vibe. Which, if you've read this Livejournal at all, you'll know equals quite a lot of choices. I could end up with a very interesting request.

Meanwhile, I still have vecchiofest and my dS Seekrit Santa fic in the works. Er... not to mention NaNoWriMo. And various 1973flashfic challenges, and about half a dozen Life on Mars story ideas. And a possible Super Secret Life on Mars thing.

2006? Definitely the year of writing.

Which, you know, I'm really, really pleased about. I love writing. I love learning new things about writing. I'm obsessed in the worst way.

At the same time, I'm so neurotic and paranoid about it. It causes me immense stress. I feel sure I'm the worst writer in the world and that my dreams of writing something good are just pipe dreams. I wholeheartedly try not to be competitive with anyone else and strive to concentrate on myself and what I am doing, but I do sometimes look at the responses other writers get and simply flail. "I don't get that! What am I doing wrong?" And I critique my stuff and it's all "this is so shallow. I am so shallow." And then it's "but is it entertaining?" And I flail some more. "Do I want to be entertaining? Yes, yes I do. How can I be more entertaining?"

Yeah. And I think that's it, really. You need those neuroses to keep you on track. It's the same with teaching, I suppose. The worst teachers are those who are confident in everything they do. If they're not terrified that they might do something wrong, then it's highly likely they will. The important thing is not to let this fear overcome you. The bravery comes in standing up to what torments you and making a stand. Even if that stand is 500 words of this, that and the other. And yes, you might look at it and think it's terrible, or you might be pleased with an element of it, or it might be the beginnings of something big. I don't know.

Can you tell that I'm attempting to convince myself that I'm not insane for signing up for all of these challenges?
Tags: writing

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