Fandom: Life on Mars
Pairing: Sam/Gene slash.
Word Count: 350 words.
Notes: I should be writing reflective journals! Instead I write this.
Sam misses love. It’s such a stupid, simplistic, childish way of looking at it. Like love is an object to be ferried to and fro. A tangible whole you can place in your pocket. But it’s true. He misses it. He misses that warm tingle that makes your heart beat three times faster than you ever thought possible. He misses the pain of it being unrequited or inappropriate. And God knows he misses the symptoms and actions associated with it.
Sam misses sex. He’s never been best friends with his right hand. Nor his left. He’s always needed some extrinsic motivation more real than dots on a page or the screen. He needs another body, warm and welcoming and wet. He needs fingers brushing through his hair and lips brushing down his neck and moaning and the scent of perspiration. He needs someone to tell him he’s doing something right. He needs someone with which he can do something wrong.
Sam misses mistakes. It isn’t like he’s suddenly stopped making them. On the contrary, he’s fairly sure he’s fallen into a routine of making more than he ever had before arriving in 1973. But the luxury of making mistakes and everything not being the end of the world, that is what he wishes he still had. Making mistakes and knowing someone else can fix them. Making mistakes and understanding that there will be logical consequences.
Sam guesses it’s because he misses love, sex and mistakes that he’s reached over on a stakeout and shoved his tongue down Gene’s throat. He’s not sure. It could just be that he likes Gene. Well, he knows he likes Gene, can’t stop liking Gene, even though he thinks he’s insane for doing so. And even though he figures that it’s probably the combination of love, sex and mistakes that compels him to continue, that doesn’t exactly create any kind of sense for why Gene kisses him back.
Sam misses knowing who he is, what he wants and why. But Sam is also pretty sure that soon there will be nothing to miss at all.