Loz (lozenger8) wrote,
Loz
lozenger8

Come on feet don't fail me now...

I used to lie to others. A lot. I used to lie to my parents, to my brothers, to my friends. I would lie over trivial things. I would lie over important issues. Very little of what I said could actually be considered 'truth'.

The stories and fables I would tell. Oh, they created a whole new world. It would probably have been fine and wonderful if it didn't fill me with terror at being found out at every turn. I also had a pretty terrible memory of remembering facts, so what I had said one day might have changed completely the next. It's odd that no-one ever called me up on it.

I'm still not entirely sure why I lied quite as much as I did. Part of it might have been the thrill in the fear. Part of it might have been a desperate need to be liked and a self-conviction that no-one would like me without the lies.

These days, I don't lie often at all. The very occasions I do lie, I feel guilt over it for quite a while. There is no thrill in the fear. I'm there for all to see. No veil nor mask. This is who I am, if you don't like it then you can get stuffed. Or we can agree to not be friends and that's okay because not everyone will like everyone.

I don't know if my lies ever hurt anyone, or if they were harmless in and of themselves. I do know, however, that my history of lying makes me a particularly untrusting person.
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