Loz (lozenger8) wrote,
Loz
lozenger8

Blackholes and revelations...

Does anybody at all know what I mean when I say that I think some people have levels which are at such a high frequency, only dogs would be able to hear them?

Take, for instance, your relatively well-known, once-upon-a-time incredibly disliked Loz. Now take students and imagine that they're dogs.

Somehow, when I was in school, I was hated. Years 6, 7 and 8 were times of intense loneliness for me. I was not well liked. I wasn't liked at all. I was verbally bullied, physically shunned. I'd sit by myself in the Library and read in Year 8, every lunch time. I'd sit outside and read during recess. I think these might very well be reasons I don't read now. Hell, even 9, 10, 11 and 12 had a majority of Loz hating, but then I also had people like liani_banks to keep me company, so it wasn't nearly as emotionally punishing.

Now? I have kids coming up to me every hour of the working day. "Hello, Miss Brown! How are you?" *huge grin*/*attempt hug*. Not just students in my class, mind. These are students across the grades. I've got at least 3 kids in every class in the school who likes to come up and chat with me. Without reservation, I would say I'm very well liked. And I'd brush it off and say "Oh, it's because I'm a shiny student teacher", but they don't do it to Andrea. At all.

I am not a different person to who I was then. I'm really not. I have changed, sure, but I'm not fundamentally a new structure. I have the same strengths and the same weaknesses. I have quite a few of the same interests. But, I'm more confident now, of course.

Was that it? Confidence? Is that all I needed? Damn. If only I could go back in time and tell myself that, I'd be a supremely more well-adjusted person.

I have to go shopping to get my supervising teacher Sue a present tonight.

2 more days.
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