Loz (lozenger8) wrote,

Of Readers and Writers and My Fragile Ego...

I finished my greatestfits challenge entry. Well, okay, "finished" is subjective. I've finished my third draft. I do still need a beta-reader (which, I know, is terribly short notice but I forgot I signed myself up for this). I used Mum at first, but she hasn't seen the show, and actually - yeah, in true Loz fashion, this is one of those stories which makes a lot more sense with canonical knowledge. Or, in fact, "makes sense with canonical knowledge".

As I previously said, I like to write in the bubble. The bubble is a good place to be. It's safe, and you can see what everyone else is doing, but there's a nice little wall there, preventing unwanted entry. I write in the bubble and I edit in the bubble, and I pop out of the bubble every now and then to get self-gratification. But, uh, I'm beginning to accept that this probably isn't a good way of doing things - especially for me, someone who knows they're a flawed writer and therefore needs help.

Learning to ask for assistance is a scary business. I have my pride, I have my inferiority complex. I'm not completely incapable of taking constructive criticism, but I am used to that constructive criticism coming from myself. It's also partly to do with, you know, beta-reading actually being hard work. I don't want to impose myself upon someone. I've done quite a bit of beta work recently and it takes time and a great deal of trust - both from the person offering the story and the beta-reader.

I'm not a naturally trusting person. I give the appearance that I am, but in actuality I'm usually not. It's not that I think the worst of people all the time, it's more that I can imagine myself being a certain way and assume that everyone can be like that too. So, trusting my writing in the hands of someone else is always a conflicting situation for me. Because usually, I know when something doesn't work, but sometimes I want to cling to it anyway? And the thought of having a person like myself, but who isn't myself say "you know, it doesn't work" and scrawl on my precious baby in red ink mortifies me somewhat. Even though I know, it must be done if ever I am to improve.

An outside perspective can be a blessing. Sometimes you write a line and it fits into a little slot in your mind where it belongs, but when someone else comes along they're stuck in a perpetual confusion. Or you might not know how to get from A to B, but your kindly neighbourhood writing wizard does. Perhaps you have a wonderful plot, but no decent dialogue to speak of. Having someone else with their own understandings and bodies of knowledge is surely only going to be a good thing in these situations?

See, I know all of this! I believe in editing and the beta-reading form of editing, I do. I'm just new to the whole situation, that's all.
Tags: life on mars, writing

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