List ten fictional figures you would have sex with (in no particular order) [and tag 5 people to do the same].
1. Ah-chie Kennedy from Hornblower. Just yes, and more yes, and YES YES YES. He's action Archie! Pure love, pure sex. Naturally I imagine this encounter whilst he is still fictionally alive. I'm not adding necrophilia to my long line of oddities. Not even fictional necrophilia.
2. Benton Fraser from due South. Moan, groan, deep throated grunting. Mmmm hmmmm. The man needs some loving, and whilst I'm not male, nor his partner, I also don't have curly dark hair so I'm not pure evil. I could so give him more fun than a barrel of monkeys.
3. The Dave Foley version of Jerry Sizzler from The Kids in the Hall. I'll tie a yellow ribbon around something, baby. Sex with Jerry would clearly be clearly insane. I like Kevin, I do, but imagining having sex with him in any way makes me flail in a Vaudevillian Scott Thompson kind of way. Dave and his shiny red lipstick, though?
4. Which brings me to; the only female on the list. (Who isn't really female anyway.) Trudie from The Kids in the Hall's "Sex Girl Patrol". SO UNBELIEVABLY HOT. I'd ask her difficult questions over and over, just to hear her say "I don't know." Guh. I am aware this is wrong on many, many levels.
5. Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter's mentor, in his younger years. He can do magical things with his wand. The only OTPs I believe in Harry Potter fandom are the HMS Krinky (Kreacher/Winky) and HMS Ladies Man (Dumbledore/Everyone). Since I'm not into bestiality, unlike darling Aberforth, I feel proud to lend a hand, and a mouth, to HMS Ladies Man.
6. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce has a stiff upper lip for most of Angel, which leads me to presume he has stiff other things he might need help researching. I'd even wear glasses and braids for him, if that's what he needed. I'd hope he'd talk dirty in the miscellany of languages he knows, and to be sure he'd be opening portals.
7. Gene Hunt in Life on Mars is an armed bastard alright, and in all the right areas. He may not keep a badge down there, but I can tell he keeps something. The man's a Cadbury Creme Egg - hard on the outside, gooey on the inside - and sure, after devouring him, you might feel a little sick - but that's because too much of a good thing is bad for you.
8. Richard Smith-Jones from Slings and Arrows is a quasi-neurotic lost soul, but I've seen him in action and there's potential there. The course of love never did run smooth, but who wants it to? Richard needs some guidance, and I'm just the teacher to provide it.
9. Leoben of Battlestar Galactica must have several tricks up his sleeve. He's a lovemaking machine. I'm positive he has "obsessive egomaniac" somewhere up there on his wall, and I'm only to happy to slip into the spot before Curtis. Hell, we could make it an orgy, include our favourite reserved Mountie. What? I'm crossing adjacent fandoms? No, no, cauliflower.
10. Fitzwilliam Darcy in Pride and Prejudice must be proud of something, and I'm guessing it's not his awkward social nature. I would hold absolutely no prejudice if he decided to sweep me off my lower-socioeconomic feet. And frankly? Any reservations he would have would be more than justified, so I wouldn't hold them against him. I'd hold other things against him, however.