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Living Loz
I was just auditioning a dancer in virtual reality... 
2nd-Apr-2006 09:55 am
Loz Cola
I kind of went crazy with adding people on Livejournal this weekend. I feel like I should apologise profusely.

It had to happen at some point. Pre-friending spree, I can only think of five people I added first. I always waited for people to add me. Even if I really liked someone from conversations in various communities, I waited for them to add me. I would hop from journal to journal outside of my friends list, interested in what people had to say, but I wouldn't add them to make it easier for me to find out.

I'm not really sure why I did this. Part of it was because I do tend to update a lot, and if people added me back, I didn't want to be giving people with quieter friends lists the All Loz All the Time treatment. Another part was that I felt someone who wanted to read my journal would add me, or could do what I had been doing. Another part of it was anal retentiveness in wanting my friends and mutual friends lists to be identical (they never have been, but it worked in theory).

Finally, I decided, I was sick of hopping around like my country's national symbol, the kangaroo. I was going to add all of those people whose company I enjoy in the fandoms and communities I frequent. I would not mind if they did not add me back, because that wasn't the point - I've always been interested in what they have to say, and this is merely facilitating that.

So, yes. I still feel really weird about it, and like I said, feel like I should say sorry. Even though I read friending policies carefully, I can't help but think I'm like an intruder in some ways, popping out from the undergrowth with a grin and a glass of diet vanilla cola.

And this is when I realised I take this Livejournal Friending lark far too seriously for my own good.
Comments 
2nd-Apr-2006 12:54 am (UTC)
Funny, I thought Steve Irwin was your national symbol...

*runs*
2nd-Apr-2006 12:57 am (UTC)
Christian, he's our national sex symbol...
2nd-Apr-2006 12:59 am (UTC)
*pokes* hey, it made me happy (i've also tended to wait to be friended before friending - which is silly i suspect, because it doesn't change anything for the friendee but let them read your locked posts!) maybe it's because i'm new to lj, but unexpected friending still makes me go 'ooh!'.

now, if you could pop out of my undergrowth* with a glass of wine in addition to the vanilla coke? that'd be perfect.

*god, that sounds wrong
2nd-Apr-2006 01:01 am (UTC)
Bwahaha. I'm glad you feel that way.

I'm sure I can find some wine for you somewhere, I'm right by the barossa valley - famous for their wines.
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2nd-Apr-2006 01:03 am (UTC)
:D Thanks.

I find the trouble being not knowing when or where to ask.

An LJ post; This morning I woke up, had some coffee, brushed my teeth and checked my email...

An LJ comment; "Hello, do you mind if I add you?"
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2nd-Apr-2006 01:10 am (UTC) - Re: on friending
I don't tend to friend people first because I don't like the pressure it creates to friend back; I'll friend people I want to read, but I hate for them to feel obligated to friend me back.

Yep, that was completely it. I felt like I'd be imposing somehow.

Then I thought about how I react when people add me. It's usually one of glee. Let's face it, I don't actively participate in any way which would necessarily bring attention to myself and therefore render hundreds of people to want to add me, but when people do add me, it's glee. Oh! Someone else wants to read about how I got chewing gum stuck on the bottom of my shoe! Goody!

I wasn't aware you had an inner circle, either. But I suspect, if you do, I'm there on the outskirts looking in with a grin and a glass of diet vanilla cola.
2nd-Apr-2006 01:52 am (UTC)
Adding people is a complicated thing for me too, mostly because I tend to feel like I'm imposing myself on the person and I just hate that feeling. So most of the time I wait for them to friend me first to avoid that, and also because it feels pretty good to find out that someone thought I was interesting enough to want to read my entries. ;)

I should probably try adding more people though, it seems nearly half my flist is innactive!
2nd-Apr-2006 01:55 am (UTC)
I've got to learn to think type faster! Or at least improve my multi-tasking abilities. o.O
2nd-Apr-2006 02:26 am (UTC)
Ha, don't apologize to me. Apologize to yourself when I never update. (Or, alternately, pat yourself on the back for picking someone who hardly ever clutters your flist with those pesky "entry" thingies.)

But since I tend to add people first, I'm quite used to adding without asking. I just make sure to comment so that they know I'm there. I don't think most people feel a pressure to add back. There's a limited number of people you can handle reading, and I think most people get to that point and stop adding back. Before they realize it, they might feel the pressure, but I got over it, and I don't (well, didn't before I friendslocked) expect people to be pissed when I didn't friend back.
2nd-Apr-2006 02:33 am (UTC)
*snicker* but you reminded me to get Corner Gas. I hear Mark McKinney turns up in another episode, so I want to be on the bandwagon.

Oh, I don't know why anyone would be pissy about not being friended back, I mean, if you're adding someone you want to read their journal, right? I don't mind who reads mine, hence the public nature of it.
2nd-Apr-2006 03:34 am (UTC)
Hehe, I totally have friending issues too. I almost always wait for people to friend me first. Also, I don't think you should feel weird. For me, personally, my journal is only friends only so I can protect myself from stalkers. And that would seem ridiculous except that it's already happened twice.
2nd-Apr-2006 03:36 am (UTC)
That's disturbing, I'm sorry to hear that.
2nd-Apr-2006 05:04 am (UTC)
It's so angsty, isn't it? Even with the understanding that it's all about reading lists and not actually "friends", because then it's still an issue of whether people find you interesting. Back when I had nobody on my list I just wrote whatever, now I feel guilty whenever I post, like I'm YAPPING IN PEOPLE'S EARS. You can't help but be aware of it.

And I know you're not supposed to, but I still feel like I'm insulting people by not friending back, but my reading list is so long already, so I tend to wait for a while. But. Yeah. Anyway. I love getting friended! Whee!
2nd-Apr-2006 05:11 am (UTC)
Lovely icon :D.

I feel like I'm yapping in people's ears too. Especially when I post about a fandom and I know there's a total of two other people on my friends list who know what I'm talking about.
2nd-Apr-2006 09:33 am (UTC)
Believe it or not, I was waiting for you to friend me...

It's like some weird kind of courtly dance, isn't it?
2nd-Apr-2006 09:43 am (UTC)
I wondered if you were, considering I had declared my undying love for you at least once, and you made me this spiffy icon.
2nd-Apr-2006 10:04 am (UTC)
I'm yet another one who takes the friending thing too seriously.

I tend to wait for the other person to add me first because it's like I don't want to madly add them and they look my username and think - who the heck is she?! Or something....like the undergrowth thing.

I have a very small f-list so I also feel guilty about adding people who have like an f-list of 300, not that there are many, becuase one the one hand that means they must have something interesting to say whilst on the other I feel like wow there are so many people it's a bit like intimidation.

So it's like a vicious circle never quite knowing what to do...

'Cos also everybody likes to be friended back at some point, don't they?

And I have that same thing about friends and friend of lists to be equal. They are at the moment *g*.

But then I'm never going to have a really big f-list because of the contents of my LJ don't exactly appeal to a wide cross-section of fandom LOL.

But yes waffling away I understadn exactly what you mean baout the friending thing.

Maybe I should go on some sort of a spree...
2nd-Apr-2006 10:07 am (UTC)
At least you're devoted to one topic. I go on about six different topics that the larger sections of fandom wouldn't care a whit about :D. Also, I love your posts.

I don't mind about my lists being even any more. I'll channel my anal retentiveness into something else.

2nd-Apr-2006 11:17 am (UTC)
*waves* I was flattered to be friended *g*

I'm always impressed with people who initiate friending, I'm normally too embarrassed, like they're going to look at their friend of list and think "What's she doing there..?" (Unless it's someone like rageprufrock or cesperanza who whole fandoms have friended...)

I think I've friended maybe 5 of the people on my flist first. If people didn't friend me first I'd have practically no friends list at all and I wouldn't have met so many wonderful people.

So, yes, uh, hi. (It's early, I don't make much sense yet)
2nd-Apr-2006 12:05 pm (UTC)
*waves back*

I don't have either of those people friended! How remiss! I should go do that now...

It's late here. Well. 9.35pm.
2nd-Apr-2006 05:28 pm (UTC)
Unless I know someone from outside LJ, I usually won't add them unless we've had a bit of back-and-forth discussion. But I'll pretty much always add anyone who adds me, although I like to have some idea as to how they found my journal. I'm pretty open, but slightly paranoid. I don't generally write about anything really private, though, so it's really not a big deal. I'm always nervous about initiating, though, so I like to know that people won't object to my adding them before I go through with it. So far, everyone I've added has added me back except for chrisstangl, and I didn't expect him to.
2nd-Apr-2006 11:44 pm (UTC)
See, now, you're one of the five people I added first pre-spree because I had a feeling you weren't going to do it, and I loved chatting to you in the Futurama comm. It was a great decision because your posts rarely fail to fascinate me.
3rd-Apr-2006 04:26 pm (UTC)
The only people I've friended first are people I've known in RL and lost touch with...

I can't imagine anyone not wanting to friend you back :-)
3rd-Apr-2006 10:25 pm (UTC)
Thanks Miri :D
4th-Apr-2006 04:31 am (UTC)
I'm a horrible friend because I don't comment enough on most people's entries but there's a select few whose entries I comment on most of the time. Sometimes I just don't want to spend 10 mintutes reading an entry that's not even broken down into paragraphs or I simply have nothing to say.

I used to look for friends through those add me communities but now I don't add people that often.
4th-Apr-2006 04:46 am (UTC)
I know what you mean.

I think I comment a fair amount. There are some people who can't escape me >:D

I don't think people should feel obligated to say anything. I prefer a comment where someone has obviously felt like saying something as opposed to someone who clearly just thought they had to.
4th-Apr-2006 10:37 am (UTC)
I'm always kinda awkward about friending people. I'l likely only do it if I've been chatting with them on a comm and ended up asking them if I could.

But I pretty much always add people back if they add me - even though half the time I can't really figure out why they would.

LoM fandom has been the first place that that's really happened to me. Which is kinda cool.

Now I just need to update with, y'know, interesting things that aren't just me squeeing about mainlining tv shows.

In conclusion: hello, new friend! I'm glad I'm interesting enough that you'd care to friend me.
5th-Apr-2006 02:06 pm (UTC)
I like squee about tv shows :D

Hello back ;)
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