I don't just want to be tolerated, I want to be accepted. And craving that acceptance has often made me behave in ways I would usually frown upon. A kind of moral corruption. Of course, the more I wanted it, the less I got it. Acceptance. In High School I was the social leper. In University I'm the girl who stands in the corner. And of course, now I'm paranoid, I feel like I've never been accepted, never will be accepted - even though I know that's not true.
I guess I could say this insight has given me something to work with in future. Last year I found these feelings painful to confront and realise them for what they are. This year, the year that worries me more than any other, is learning to get over my foolish insecurities and embrace change.