Loz (lozenger8) wrote,
Loz
lozenger8

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Now I'm really thirsty...

I didn't like H2O very much.



I don't especially like politics and much of Canadian politics is needfully foreign to me, however this is how I like to imagine Paul Gross and John Krizanc, the writers, at some point between concept and writing stage.



INT.       LARGE SITTING ROOM.       AFTERNOON.


JOHN sits on the sofa, a pile of manuscript pages in front of him. He is humming quietly. He takes a look at his watch. After a moment, PAUL walks through the door to the left.


PAUL
I pitched the idea to CBC, they loved it! We have funding and the support of a network.

JOHN
They loved our spoof of a political thriller? Really?

PAUL
They don't know it's a spoof.

JOHN
Huh?


JOHN raises his eyebrows and stares up at PAUL, who has the hint of a grin flitting across his features.


PAUL
They have no idea.

JOHN
So you pitched them our story about the Prime Minister dying, his evil immoral not-quite-genius son being appointed, mass conspiracy all to do with water and worldwide corporations - and they had no idea it was a spoof?

PAUL
Nope.

JOHN
But... but...

PAUL
It will have to be as subtle as possible, but you and I both know the sheer ludicrous nature of the plot is going to lend itself to the comedy.


PAUL scratches his eyebrow, cricks his neck and smiles again before sitting down.


JOHN
Didn't they get the scathing tone and mirror aspect that this is what could very well happen in this country?

PAUL
I think they did get that bit, actually. They seemed to like that. This surprised me.

JOHN
I'm still surprised that they didn't even realise it's humour.

PAUL
(gestures wildly)
That's the beauty of it. And ninety percent of the audience probably won't have any clue either. It's genius. It'll be a kick in the balls to all political thrillers, mindless network executives willing to fund and air such drivel, and morons who would watch whatever is shoved in their faces - all couched in real, hard hitting issues.

JOHN
But, Paul... what about your loyal fans who are going to watch this crap?

PAUL
They'll have hours of me on screen, they'll forgive me eventually. And I can only imagine that a large majority of the ten percent who will understand it's a spoof will be from the Paul-fan camp. Okay, I'm going to start with the startlingly moving, poignant and somewhat gag inducing eulogy that sets the ball in motion.

JOHN
You're a bad, bad man, Paul.

CUT



I'd be all for it if the pacing hadn't been simultaneously rushed (plotwise) and yet mind-numbingly slow moving (viewing wise). And the thing which really pisses me off is that once again we have some great dialogue. "Lavigne: We could tell the truth. McLaughlin: That's not an alternative, that's a failure of leadership." And we have great actors. Callum! Paul!

I don't know. How can you be such good writers and such bad writers at the same time? And how do these things get made?

Oh, Paul.

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