Today, I rant. I need a good rant. I realised this when I started complaining about ranting, and actually started ranting myself. I think it's because I just haven't ranted for so long. I've been fangirling so much lately there hasn't been time for a good rant. A hearty rant. A nasty, cruel, embittered shove-it-up-your-arse rant. And there are so many things I could rant about too.
I fucking hate not knowing if people like me or despise me. There's a couple of people, not many really, but a couple whom I'm just not sure about. I like them, but I have no idea if they like me or hate me. It's so frustrating. And I wouldn't care if I knew that they hated me, I'd be a bit hurt but it wouldn't make me suicidal - it's the not knowing which annoys and infuriates me. Not knowing if they secretly hate me or not causes me to never know how to respond - as in, should I, or should I not? Just tell me if you hate me, God damn it.
I hate the fucking fact that I now have to use gmail for my comment notification. I loved my yahoomail system - why did it randomly cease to work? WHY GOD WHY? I hate having to delete things. Perhaps it's just a click or two, yes it really bloody is, but those clicks are the work of the devil. I had a folder, the emails went in, I'd read them, they'd stay there. It was beautiful. But not any more, oh no. The yahoo emails just stopped coming. They didn't go into the spam mail folder, they didn't go straight into the trash - they didn't go anywhere.
I hate that I seem to live my life thinking of regrets. I wish things could have gone differently and I spend an enormous amount of time thinking about that. If I could live in a world with no regrets, I would be in heaven. They're always stupid fucking regrets as well, it's never the stuff that really matters, it's the tiny, pointless, silly little regrets that gnaw at the back of my brain.
Fuck off dreams - I don't want you. I will never be a brilliant writer, nor an acclaimed singer, and certainly never an actress so I wish to hell you'd just disappear. Childhood fancies should have remained in my childhood, they should not parade around my mind as if they own the cobwebbed chamber. You have impossibly high standards, you know. High standards which you do not strive to meet.
And finally - because now I'm feeling quite ranted out - I FUCKING HATE feeling like an inferior loser in the eyes of others, because I am not, okay? The egotism thing isn't an act. I really do think I rock. It's just everyone else's opinion on that subject which I doubt.