December 4th, 2012

Loz Cola

:(

How do people develop a thick skin? Because I've been through a fair amount in my life, lived in a couple of challenging places, and yet I still feel weak and fragile.

A long, long while back, I wrote about a student of mine getting excluded to another school. Well, he came back this term and at first things were almost okay, but then all of his old behaviours started up again. He doesn't do what I ask him to do, he runs out of class, he doesn't attempt a smidgen of work, he hits children during break, he's decided one of the other students in my class is his mortal enemy. Apparently, his mother has been saying to him "you only have her for another two weeks, you don't have to listen."

And I know all of this about him, you know? I know he can be rude and defiant and his mother has many, many issues and for reasons I don't know has heavily taken against me. I cannot think of what I have said or done to make her hate me so much.

I thought I was relatively disaffected. I thought I was over caring. But no, I've just awoken from a night of endless bad dreams of me being considered the worst teacher of all time. Feeling like a failure. Worrying about how I'll do next year if students and parents decide they hate me?

Why do I always remember the two kids I've never got through to instead of the twenty-four I have?