April 10th, 2008

Loz Target

...

Overthinking works for me. I find that when I don't overthink things, I tend to make huge mistakes - errors in tone, sweeping generalisations, assumptions, unwritten caveats that really need to be written. I need to analyse every detail, consider every reaction, worry about the effect of my actions.

The guilt gets to me. Often. I feel terrible about having unintentionally hurt people, and worse about intentional harm. It keeps me up at night. Even over things that others might consider essentially trivial.

So, sometimes, I'm lacking in what might be considered real human emotion. It's in there, but it's closely guarded, because my emotions tend to be destructive and bloody-minded and I'm scared of them. I'm cautious and reserved for a reason. That reason is good.

I'm sorry if I recently annoyed, offended, or disappointed you. I make mistakes. I feel bad about them. I learn from them.