January 16th, 2008


Home truths...

Discussion topic: it's surprisingly easy to get wanky if you care passionately about something.

I have high standards that I hold myself to, but I am pretty laid back when it comes to entertainment. I like what I like, I don't usually mind if other people don't like it. If I don't like something, I don't usually mind it when other people do. I'm generally not the sort of person who's happy to get into a half hour bitching session just because I can. I can be fairly uncritical, when my mind allows. Most of the time, I care about other people's feelings and do my best to accommodate them.

And then - fandom. That nitpicky devotion to a text or collection of texts. I can become a bitch from hell. I can fap on for months, on largely the same topics. And, in a way, derive a whole new kind of enjoyment from that process of spilling out my opinions. Especially if I find people who agree with me. I articulate responses to people I don't know. I speculate on their intentions and interests. I become a wanker.

Never wanted to be one. Never really understood how other people got that way. Yet it stares me in the face.

Is it a thin line between love and hate? Is passion the same emotion, through lust and anger? Is there a way to care for something deeply and not behave badly when things don't go the way you'd hoped they would?