October 17th, 2007

Loz Cola

I have ridden the mighty moonworm...

Perspective. It's something I don't always have a lot of. I have a habit of forgetting that it's perfectly okay to sometimes feel like crap, or to hate myself, or to concentrate on failure, as long as I don't let it overtake me. It's Wednesday and I am still alive.

I've discovered exactly why I haven't heard if I'm lucky enough to be staying at my school or not. The three positions which are 'free' technically aren't at the moment. There's still a chance I might get a position, so I am totally crossing my fingers. I may be back to Temporary Relief Teaching next year. And we all know how successful that was (I did a total of one day, hah!) Trust me, seriously, trust me to get into a profession with this little stability. Yes, yes, I am not a special snowflake, everyone worries about their career. I maintain my right to rant about it!

I have 14 students now, and 2 students who'll be coming in for transition. 16 students doesn't sound like a lot, but if you knew my students, you'd pet me consolingly. Let's put it this way - 11 of those 16 students are from an English as a Second Language background. 3 of them have severe speech disabilties. 6 of them have intense behaviour management problems. And there's one magical student who fits into all three categories.

I mostly love it. It's very challenging and I worry about it constantly, and I have certainly made a few thousand mistakes, but it's awesome. I forget that sometimes, but it really is. I really love my students. Even the ones who get their name called ninety-nine hundred times a day for the wrong reasons. And sure, most of the time I have no idea what the hell I'm doing, or if I am, indeed, doing it right, but it's a learning experience. It's an experience!

So it's finding the positive amongst the negative, I guess. Gaining some perspective. No, I don't know what the future brings, but considering how I'm going now, can I handle it? Chances are, eventually I'll muddle through. And even if I don't, entirely, I have people who love and support me.