May 16th, 2006

Futurama Zapp

Oh darling, please believe me...

INT.              SCHOOL LIBRARY.       LATE AFTERNOON.

We pan around a scene of teachers sitting in an almost complete circle. Some have notepads. One (JENNY) has a folder. The words "Staff" and "Meeting" are up on the whiteboard. The majority of people in the room look tired. GEORGE, a middle aged man with a beer gut, has fallen asleep and is slumped in his chair. GRAHAM, the school counsellor, is shuffling papers in his hands.

GRAHAM
So, about this fun run. Pat tells me we need one male and one female staff member to monitor the public toilets in the park. Do I have any volunteers? Mark, you'll do it? Great. Just a female, then. LOZ, are you here on Fridays?

LOZ, who has clearly not been paying attention, turns her gaze from the whiteboard towards GRAHAM, her eyes widening. She has a section of mud cake in her hand and chocolate icing around her lips. She hastily drags the back of her hand across her mouth.

LOZ
I'm here everyday.

GRAHAM
Excellent. That's your job then. And now onto the matter of checkpoints. We're going to need at least seven parents to help man these checkpoints, which will be dotted around the park, so start asking...

There is a small murmur among the teachers.

CUT

In summary - I got called a staff member! Hee!
I have toilet duty! Hee!
Staff meetings are mind-numbingly boring. HEE!