December 5th, 2005

Loz Cola

Time capsule...

This is hilarious. A year after I was supposed to get these things back, the humanities department at Flinders decided they didn't want my assignments anymore and mailed them to me. This huge thick envelope full of last year's essays and Dun Dun DUNNN, a bound copy of my thesis. Am I tempted to look at remarks which shall be of no further relevance to my University career, having given up the glamour of literature research for the Educational mundane? Yes, yes I am.
Loz Cola

Revelation!

OH MY GOODNESS

I was only 3 marks away from a High Distinction with my Thesis. 3. marks. away.

*kill maim laugh maim kill*

ETA: It is clear to me I should have left the comments well alone. I was better as one of the ignorami. These examiners, they dwell too much upon the negative and make me feel as if I am an academic failure as opposed to one who can proudly proclaim she has Second Class Division A Honours. The honour is swept under the rug as I read about this failed potential and that failed potential. Minor and common errors such as comma splices! Oh if they knew how I journalled with sentence fragments, then they would be afraid. Bah I say.
Loz Cola

Blah...

Getting those comments back really depressed me. Not even getting my money from the bank, watching Buffy, listening to Barenaked Ladies and eating ice cream has managed to cheer me up. I feel as if I had this wonderful opportunity which I squandered away. I just feel like I've failed.

Which is ridiculous, I know, because I did not fail. I obviously did not fail, did not even come close to failing.

I wish I didn't have this perfectionist streak.

There's this Jack Johnson song, Fortunate Fool. I feel like the girl in this song more often than I'd care to mention.

"She's the one that stumbles when she talks about
The seven foreign films that she's checked out
Such a fortunate fool
She's just too good to be true
She's such a fortunate fool
She's just so mmm... "

I think of myself as this person. The person who wants to be intelligent, who knows what they have to do to appear intelligent, but falters on the edge.