December 8th, 2004

Loz Cola

The bad mood continues...

I hate being poor. When Ron had that giant row with Harry over the galleons and didn't talk to him, and felt pissed, I totally sided with Ron. I knew from personal experience how crap and humiliating it is scrimping and saving and never being able to quite do what you want to do, and actually being worried about losing a dollar, and wondering where your next meal is coming from.

I hate the fact that I just spent $60 at the post office for various postages and feel crap at doing so. I should feel fantastic because I've completed a task I really wanted to - for people I really care about. However I keep thinking about how best that money could have been spent. I've added up all of the money I spent on gifts and am just feeling sick to my stomach. I shouldn't have spent that much money, and yet I really wanted to, and the people I spent it on deserved it, and I love them and want them to be happy.

I love my parents, they've always done their best to get us what we want. They're amazing in that regard. They always feel like this at this time of year - wishing they hadn't indulged like that, because they know it means we'll all pay for it later, when we can't afford the electricity bill and we'll have to make do with a few nights of raiding our fridge and cupboards for the bare essentials of dinner. It's an awful feeling. And I know that, relatively speaking, we're not too bad off nowadays, but we're still only just above the line. We rob Peter to pay Paul. And it sucks.

Anyway, with that lovely rant completed, it's time to dwell on the positives. It's christmas, it's my birthday in a week and a half, I have friends and family who love me and that's fucking fantastic.