November 29th, 2004

Loz Cola

My mind...

You may not know this, but I have the uncanny ability to block something out of my mind. An important event or something I have to do can completely disappear. Often, I don't mean to forget - I just do. And it's really completely gone, it isn't like when I know I have work, where it festers and I start to exhibit odd behaviour - it just goes somewhere into the dark recesses of my head.

It's terrible. It happened this weekend and I feel so angst-ridden about it. Incredibly guilty. I wish I could block this out of my mind, but I know I can't. I'll start twitching before long.

The reason was, you see, I was so sure I had no more obligations. I was so sure I was completely free, that I forgot that I still had to prepare to spend time with friends. I've let them down, and basically been a terrible friend in that regard.

There's really nothing I can do to make it up to them. So I suppose I'll have to wait until my guilt naturally dissipates.
Loz Cola

Final post for the day, unless something amazing happens...

I feel the need to say something to everyone who reads this journal, because it's something I've been thinking on for a long time now. Even the new people to this journal are included in this.

Thank you, for all of your support this year. Whether you've been instrumental in cheering me up, excellent in influencing me, or simply just a friend, thanks for being there.

As you know, this year hasn't been the best, and I'm as much to blame as external forces. I didn't take it as an opportunity, I saw it as a burden, and this was bad. But you've been there through thick and thin, reading, commenting, providing me with material to read when my procrastination levels reached all time highs (and if I weren't reading LJs, I'd be doing something else). So thanks again for that. Really.

I'm really loving being on CoS again, despite my childish rant of a few days ago, so I'm not regretting my decision to leave until I finished all of my work. It really made me motivated to try and ingratiate myself among the masses again. I've especially enjoyed catching up with new members who I didn't know very well! They're all extremely lovely people.

Well... that's enough from me for today. It's hot, I'm off to shower and sit in front of the air conditioner.
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