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Living Loz
I am, at heart, a misanthrope... 
16th-Oct-2012 05:19 pm
Loz Cola
If there's one thing training and development with strangers teaches me, it's how much I dislike people.

Okay. This isn't fair. I clearly don't dislike all people. But my judgemental side does seem to flourish when I am expected to interact with others in a professional setting.

I'm here to learn how to moderate. I don't want to hear your bitching about the difficulties of assessment. We all know assessment is difficult, it's why we're here. Why aren't we doing any actual moderating?

And the pushiness of some people is offputting, too. I'm really not a domineering type, despite the fact I'm a teacher, and I automatically want to shrink when I encounter people who are. I tend to become even quieter than usual. (Which is when this type typically like to push me more.)

This will be me, failing at basic social skills yet again. Ugh.
Comments 
16th-Oct-2012 12:26 pm (UTC)

A lot of those "pushy" people are just as uncomfortable as you are, it just manifests itself in a different way of "I'll take charge and then I can be sure what's going to happen."

Just practice politely disagreeing. "Why?" questions always help of the "I'm interested to know why you might think this is the best way to proceed."

In certain professions, like teaching, you actually spend a lot of your working day without the company of your peers so when they then get together they want to take the opportunity to talk about what's bothering them, even more so if it's not the peer group they normally work with. It builds a social bridge of "there's this awful thing we all have to deal with."

Rambling brought to you by the fact that it always helps me to take a minute and try to understand where the behaviour is coming from.

Really, most of them are feeling just as uncomfortable as you are.
16th-Oct-2012 12:43 pm (UTC)
Draaaaayce, I do know all of this, but I can't help but find it annoying when I'm there for a purpose. And the purpose never eventuates. It's not even that I was disagreeing, it's just that it was off track for what we were meant to be doing and --- I may as well have had an email of the presentation and spent the day with my class, you know? My class don't cope well without me. I then have to spend the rest of the day/week trying to get them to settle back down because the routine's changed.

As I said, I do realise this is me being unfair here, and failing basic human empathy and interaction, but I can't help but be frustrated. This is one of those things where, unless I trust you, I don't care about you overly much (read: also why I fail at small talk, unless discussing the weather, and yes, that is a huge catch 22, because how do I get to know you otherwise?) --- it appears I'm not naturally a particularly empathetic person when it comes to an individual's problems. And in that setting, when I had a clear expectation of what I wanted to get out of the training and development (mainly training... and development), I can't do all the self-talk to tell myself to care more. I just get irritated.
16th-Oct-2012 02:02 pm (UTC)

I understand your frustration, really I do.

This is less empathy on my part and more how I work to minimize my own stress levels by accepting what can't be changed about people.
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