Living Loz
I'll be in the bunker... 
21st-Jul-2006 02:45 pm
Sky
Um. Hi.

So I go back to University on Monday.

This has meant of course that I've been concentrating on State of Play, and concentrating on writing Life on Mars and concentrating on everything that really has little significance in my real world life, because the real world scares me and I may or may not have totally crawled into my hole in the wall in glee and decided to let life skip me by like I always do, even though I didn't want to do this, but knew I would anyway.

I've got forms and things I have to fill in. Enquiries about things. I need to ask certain people to be my referees. Stuff. Important adult-type stuff. I have to start actually applying for jobs in August and I just realised how close August really is. I am terrified.

I always am terrified, of course. And so far, more times than not, I have succeeded. But it doesn't stop the terror from gripping hold of me.

I find it easy to escape. It doesn't take me long. I rig up my grappling hook and line. I create a decoy trail. I've the best method of camouflage around. I just have to want it enough and I'm out at the speed of light, travelling towards a safe destination for myself and my thoughts alone.

And my conscience dictates that I shouldn't use my powers for evil. Should take hold of my responsibility if I am to be a productive member of society. Should actively strive to be a productive member of society. But my selfish nature precludes me from taking these actions.
Comments 
21st-Jul-2006 07:02 am (UTC)
my selfish nature precludes me from taking these actions.

Nonsense. If this was true then you wouldn't have gone to university in the first place and, if you had, you certainly wouldn't have chosen a teaching course.
21st-Jul-2006 07:10 am (UTC)
It is not nonesense!
21st-Jul-2006 07:11 am (UTC)
Or even nonsense.
21st-Jul-2006 07:22 am (UTC)
It so is.

I know one truly selfish person, and it's not you.
21st-Jul-2006 08:06 am (UTC)
The real world is a scary place. We all need an escape.
21st-Jul-2006 08:12 am (UTC)
I tend to set up shop in "escape" and call it my home.
21st-Jul-2006 08:16 am (UTC)
Some days I do. A lot of days...
21st-Jul-2006 05:49 pm (UTC)
If you actually hide out until the deadlines have all passed, and not do any of the "have to" stuff at all, that's one thing. But it sounds like all you're doing is enjoying the hell out of the last pre-adult time you've got left. You can thump yourself for it if you want to, but why not enjoy your escape? If you stop hauling the guilt around you'll have more energy when you tackle the real-world stuff.

We all need down-time. Even machines need to have their oil changed.

{{hug}}
22nd-Jul-2006 04:08 am (UTC)
Thank you.
21st-Jul-2006 09:58 pm (UTC)
wow, some bits of this entry describe me perfectly like being terrified and being successful all the time, and not using my powers for evil, god knows my evil side is never far....
I wish you to tame that terror way before me -I was around 37- because it is a big loss of energy and completely useless and paralysing
22nd-Jul-2006 04:08 am (UTC)
Thank you.
22nd-Jul-2006 03:31 am (UTC)
Loz, the Teachinator, shall succeed!
22nd-Jul-2006 04:09 am (UTC)
I shall! Hurrah! (Thank you very much.)
This page was loaded May 22nd 2013, 2:33 am GMT.